I returned from a trip a couple of weeks ago only to find something written on the living room wall. It read: "No matter how far a jackass travels he will always come back a jackass" I don't know that it was directed at me but I found it rather uncanny to have appeared soon after I returned. To be quite honest, that was the straw that broke the "jackass' " back. I put in my notice at work and told my flatmates that I've got to leave, and that I'm doing it ASAP. I'm thinking with more humility and attempting to get in touch with reality. I'm fed up with trying to make a puzzle piece fit that was never meant to, tired of quotas and status, or the appearance of them; all in all my goal is just to get back in touch with myself. I don't know that it will happen, but I'm going to try. My mind is very unstable lately, as if I'm on the verge of a major shift in mindset and from this point things are critical. I can see myself completely collapsing or rising up and this is the place where those roads diverge. I want to find something creative and simple to work on, whether it be writing or remodeling my parents' house; something simple that i can focus most of my efforts on. I'm tired with worrying how I look in other people's eyes, tired of being judged, tired of dealing with the stress of my work and the people I have to see on a daily basis. I don't want to see any people that I don't have to, a funny thing to say for someone interested in sociology, but it's the truth. I came down here to be surrounded by people and now I'm just sick of them. Like going to the bar for a beer and instead you get smashed on tequilla. I want to see my family and I want to love them, and I want to be in an environment that is caring and facilitates my desire to discover my convictions on my own and live by them, or at least move towards it more so than I have recently. Last night, in response to that slogan on the brick in the wall I responded, with an anecdote, whether it was directed toward me or not. It now reads, just below: "No matter how much a wise ass pontificates he will never be more than a wise ass"