I've moved so much, and moving around is degenerative to my goal. But the idea of a Hindi sannyasi has really been intriguing me lately. I know I don't have the balls to just up and leave right now, but maybe if I was forced into a position where I had little to no material possessions, then I'd really have no choice. I want to be more self-explorative. Being soft with all of its distractions (e.g having a car, house, music, job, school) has a way of making you forgot about what it really means to be alive. I always think about that one greasy spoon scene in Pulp Fiction when John Trevolta and Samual L are fighting over the fact that Trevolta wants to become a traveling holy man or whatever. Samual proclaims that he'd be a bum if he did that.

Would I be a bum? I don't think so. I don't think bums try to better themselves spiritually in any way. Maybe some do, but I'm thinking the vast majority are just people who couldn't get a grasp on their alcoholism, lost their jobs/homes, etc. I bet if you handed them a million dollars, they wouldn't be on the streets anymore. When the H.S. guidance counselor asks "what kind of job would you do if you had a million dollars?" no one ever says "I want to be a sannyasi." That's because the sannyasi needs nothing. He especially does not need money.

I also noticed something today. All the young people in the midwest are so uncertain. The only thing they ARE certain about is that they're leaving. But it's always someday. tomorrow. mañana. a lovely word, and one that probably means 'heaven'. a heaven that will always be one day away.

But yes, I'd like to leave. Maybe just a vacation. If I could save up enough money to eat for the summer, maybe i could go. I dunno.