has anyone really mastered the art of being alive? with this i mean, to live entirely unscathed by the world around them no matter how grim it may look. i figure there are two ways in which people may do this. theres the grabbing-life-by-the-balls-and-twisting type of lifestyle and then theres the passive, let-the-chips-fall-where-they-may, happy-go-lucky lifestyle. between those two realms must lie a huge gap that many people fall into. whether it be keeping up with the jones' or being immersed in loneliness, people snuggle confortably with routine. addictively safe settings in which they live out their lives practically comatose.

at night i listen to jazz on npr and drive around. i wind through the countryside, along the rivers, around blocks of corn and wheat and i just chill. it's my time to collect myself. sometimes i stop to watch deer in the fields or look up at the stars. other times i just drive and look at houses, crazed by the number of dull-blue windows there are. all those people glued to their television sets. sure, sometimes i'm no better. i can hang with the best of them online. i get lonely sometimes being way out here in no man's land. not having anyone similar near me is kind of intimidating at times. but for the most part i think i'm really happy. as for the previously stated opinions on mastering life, no, i haven't pinned it down. but i think i fall closer to the latter of the two. things change. i'm content with that. i like things to get stirred up a bit. people move away, people change. things die, others are born. renewal. keeps things interesting.

but what i really wonder about are all those people that have lost all curiosity for life. they replace thought with religion, put way too much emphasis on their own beliefs instead of respecting others', and get far too caught up in material things. with this i think they sacrifice their lives. what we are made to do they somehow ignore when 'everybody loves raymond' comes on. or when they are forced to have an opinion, they always take the safe approach [maybe as to not be ostracized by the church? or be tagged anit-american?]. i am not saying that i am perfect. i'm just saying that i'm curious. i'm mostly light-hearted, too. why is everyone so serious? why is everyone so seriously dull?