I don't like giving up on people, I really don't. When people hang by a thread, I try my best to reinforce it, best I can. I call people out of the blue to see if they're still alive. I go out of my way to drive to peoples' places, all over the damn state. Hell, I was the only person who called Nathan regularly after he was sent to Germany, and I wasn't even his closest friend. But do people ever call me out of the blue? Very rarely. Who went to your birthday party? Me. Who even so much as called me on mine? When was the last time anyone came to my house? Years? Sure, distance and time is a factor. I live out in the middle of nowhere. But has that stopped me from visiting people everywhere, from Kalamazoo to Lansing, to Detroit, to Chicago, to Sault St. Marie? No. And I'm the least likely to have the money for the trip…and I most definitely have the most unreliable vehicle. But I don't care. Even my closest friends never come out here. They complain when they have to drive 20 minutes out to my place. Yet, like clockwork, I drive my ass to their places a few times a week. It's not like anything particularly more interesting ever happens at their places, I just always go.
I'm kind of getting sick of peoples' apathy. And everyone being so egocentric. People not taking the time to listen. People always trying to get in the last word. People looking down their noses at me. People taking me for granted.
If I disappear, who'll notice?
" expect me like one waits for mail, all lost dropped and cancelled. like foreign post, i leave twice a day but take a week to get there.
expect me like one waits for rain, or sleet or hail or snowfall. like foreign post, i'm lost on the way and take a week to get there.
i want to be delivered 'til i'm gone gone gone.
the way it's sealed in my heart, i t's guaranteed that i'm in your hands
by morning, when you're ready to read between the lines and the paper isn't telling you anything.
if you miss me, drop me a line in care of fin de siecle, mit luftwaffe.
it's the end of the end of the end."