whoa, i'm just totally worn out. i've decided to not go to class today and just stick around here. i've caught up on some lost sleep and maybe now i can actually get some things done that probably should have been long ago.

so the other day my mom went into the hospital for surgery, which wasn't a horribly big deal, but when i went in to visit her i just couldn't help but think about what's to come in my relationship with my parents. pretty soon this is going to happen more and more frequently and i'll be totally helpless…i'll just have to watch it all happen, just as they had with their parents. i had dinner with my dad in the hospital's cafe and i could hardly even force myself to talk. i caught myself just staring out the atrium windows and looking around at the other families, wondering what trauma they were going through. i guess i've always been a bit naive in understanding why people hated hospitals so much. i mean it should be obvious, but i guess since i've never really had to deal with anyone being in the hospital before…and my mother working in the medical field, that i just viewed a hospital as a workplace [at least when i was younger]. a place where people get better. but people don't always get better. i could just see it in the people's eyes in the lobby and on the elevator. that distance in their eyes that says 'this is it', wearing looks on their faces that tell of their desperation while holding onto whatever last shred of hope that could be left.

after dinner i went back up to my mom's room and kissed her on the cheek. she asked me to take her for a short walk because the doctor said she needed to be up and moving a few times a day. so we walked down the hall, me holding her arm for stability. i know she could sense my uneasiness: my mom and i have a connection [as i'm sure is the case in many parent-child relationships]. sometimes i hate it when she knows what i'm thinking. especially when it's sadness.

when we got back to her bed i kissed her goodbye, told her i loved her and to get some rest. i drove up and down orchard drive and main street near revere park just looking at all the old houses, some of which are almost two hundred years old. absolutely magnificent houses that people have completely restored. houses of previous big wigs like the Dows and others.

driving always seems to help me find myself a little bit. as i drove i gazed at the houses and enjoyed their character and beauty. no, they won't be here forever, but somebody obviously put some time and love into those places to help them shine just a little bit longer. so their character could awe us for some time. and like those houses, we ourselves are built; with a limited amount of time to make our mark. but it's enough time to turn a few heads, inspire a few minds and fill a few hearts with love. and in this unpoetic analogy i found ease.

the next day when i got home from school late, i found a sealed envelop from my mom with a card inside thanking me for visiting her and telling me of how much she loved me. yes, my mother has most definitely touched my life. thanks mom