driving home. from wherever, so long as home is my destination. i catch myself looking around my surroundings and criticizing everything; bitching about every little thing, at first. "why can't….how come….where's the…." but then a peace usually washes over me. i see a bridge and a sign that reads "pine river" and i think how i would have killed to see that bridge so many times before when it was an impossibility. projecting myself into the future i see myself in a far off place, tied down in roots of stability, no more big questions about the future, no more big dreams, wishing that i was back on those country roads in my car and in my head with the most infinite of possibilities and color schemes. i think of the old saying 'those who have lost everything are free to do anything' and mold it to my own liking. 'those who have never had anything are free to dream about everything.' maybe it's the snow falling and the endless white and the slick roads in their entrancing straightness and the hum of the tires that hypnotize and chill my spine. i try to hold onto that shiver, make it last as long as i can. it helps me feel like i'm in touch with something much larger than i. for when it's gone, the clarity goes with it and the empty passenger seat becomes too much to handle. if i hold the chill, i feel the moment that is. i don't feel old tears or embraces. i don't think of impossibilities or the unfathomables. i don't get caught up in thought and miss the moment that is. but when it's gone my head starts-a-dreamin' of days that will never come, and days that have and never will again.