sound the arms and make them believe it's for a good cause. i don't need it in the first place. what i need is right here…friends that fill up my PMA and refill my bloody mary, who play me in chess even when i murder them every time, multiple couches to relax on, eddie izzard on the tele, prada hoodie to hold me and keep me snug when i smoke in the brisk air, snow reminding me of that jimmy eat world song, like i'm living it, it it, it it it, it it it it…me. they cheer me up when i'm out of it. when i forget they're around and i crawl into myself like a snail over salt. i return the favor. the flavor. the trevor. the derek. the bry. the rye. the chai. the kai. the lie. the real, the truth the smile the nod, i think i know what i'm talking abo* before i rise, before i'm fully awake, i talk myself out of unconsciousness, chain of events, chain smoking my words, internal monotonous never-ender monologue nonsensical analytical logical irrational provocative tip-of-my-tongue anxiousness, tip-of-my-finger annoyances, pillow-ache love sick, window sill frost bit, heat swirls with chilling grip, missing block that's supposed to fit…right where you know it ought to.